INSIGHTS WHILST PREGNANT
In most ways, the last nine months
have been the most special of my life as I have experienced a baby
growing within me. For most of that time, it also felt like the longest
nine months of my life - not because of discomfort as much as the
desire to meet my baby and having to wait for her to incubate first.
The most entertaining part of it all was hearing other people's opinions about pregnancy - their own experiences, or someone's they knew. As a result of hearing these, compared to my own now first-hand experiences, I've come to some opinions myself.
1. Everyone will rub your belly. Strangers will rub it so much that you will get tired of it. (False)
I had been told this and actually looked forward to it. But alas, not enough people rubbed my belly and when they did, I loved it. It was not about me, but about people wanting to connect with my baby. There were plenty of belly rubs from those in my inner circle. But when a complete stranger rubbed my belly, on the rare occasions it happened, I loved it. One gorgeous woman just walked up to me in the street and rubbed it, before she had even said hello. It turned out she had seven children of her own. Bless her.
There was a guy in Sydney who gave Free Hugs. (Check out freehugscampaign.org - and yes, he gave great hugs). At one point recently, I wanted to stand by a sign saying 'Free Belly Rubs'. I was in love with my growing belly and loved it when people shared that joy.
2. The Body is Amazing. (True)
Prior to this time, I had already held my body in awe and reverence. But now, those words do not even do it justice. The capabilities and intelligence of the human body is one of the greatest miracles possible. How can I ever explain the wonder of what the body has achieved? I have been in complete reverence of what was happening within, including both the things I could feel and the things I couldn't. Even without pregnancy, the human body is one of the most incredible creations, one that deserves so much more respect than most give.
3. Vegan Pregnancy is Dangerous. (False)
Having been a vegan for over twelve years, and a vegetarian for the ten years prior to that, I am educated on the body's needs and how well the vegan diet suits my own body. Every test done throughout my pregnancy for the nutrition and wellbeing of the baby indicated a very well nourished, healthy babe. In fact, she grew so well that by the time I had six weeks to go, people were constantly asking me if I was due that week or if I was having twins. She was born at a very healthy weight, and continues to thrive.
There are risks to any pregnancy if the mother is unaware of her full nutritional needs or for other reasons out of the mother's control. I came across meat-eating mothers who were anemic, young mothers who had morning sickness for six months, and others who suffered swine flu, poor things. As always in my diet, I soaked nuts and seeds overnight, which I blended with fruit in the mornings, covering many of my daily needs in that meal alone. I am also a great lover of ginger and continued having fresh vegetable juices throughout the pregnancy, missing morning sickness altogether. (I realise what a blessing this was). All other nutritional needs were monitored and honoured constantly.
4. Natural conception is possible in your forties. (True)
I am not saying that every woman will be blessed to conceive naturally in her forties, but it is still possible. Many women cannot conceive in their twenties or thirties either, and my heart goes out to them if it is their desire to conceive. The amount of scare tactics that are used in media though, regarding the total inability for women to conceive a healthy baby after forty, I am sure, stop many couples from even trying. It is important to know your body well and to monitor changes in your cycle, paying attention to the messages it is sending. There are risks to be sure. But it is not all bad. It is still possible to conceive your first child and have an enjoyable, beautiful pregnancy in your forties. I've been blessed with conceiving naturally in my mid-forties and giving birth to a healthy, precious daughter.
There is much speculation against older mothers in the media. But on a soul level, if you are meant to play the role of mother to another soul, it will come into your life when the time is right, whether that is through natural conception, IVF, foster parenting, step-parenting, or numerous other ways. Older mothers have life experience and patience that younger mothers can never have. When I think back to a time in my twenties when I thought I wanted a child, I count my blessings that it was not meant to be back then. The kind of mother I would have been, compared to the mother I am now, is completely different. The media can say what they like against late motherhood, but in doing so, they are missing the advantages that do come with this. Many children, the world over, benefit from wiser parents as a result. Sometimes too, it just isn't possible to have children until later in life, until you meet the right person to conceive with.
5. A Mother Becomes a Mother at Conception. (True)
A mother does not need to see her baby to begin her role as a mother. From the moment a woman knows she has a child within her, and accepts her role as such, she has already become a mother. I was incredibly blessed to know the actual moment of conception, so I didn't even have to wait until tests confirmed it a few weeks later. My partner and I had made love in the afternoon. Some hours later I was sitting around a campfire. Then out of the blue, a small burst of light, like a star, flashed quickly into my mind at the very same time as a flood of love filled every cell of my body. I felt faint for a second or two, but also euphoric, from the torrent of love that had flooded through me unexpectedly. When I came through it a couple of seconds later, I knew I had just conceived (and couldn't stop grinning). The knowing and the bliss that followed this was the most exciting, beautiful feeling I have ever known. When the test proved positive a few weeks later, I cried tears of gratitude, for the honour of bringing another soul into this world.
From the moment of conception, I knew I was a mother and every decision I made after that was based around the wellbeing of the child growing inside of me. Motherhood, for most, is instinctive, and it was for me. I had never been a mother but I defended the child's wellbeing with even more protection than I knew possible. There were decisions to make along the way that may have been delayed had it not been for the baby - compensations I may have continued to make and other things I may have endured. But I was a mother from conception and everything changed from that moment. A mother is definitely a mother straight away, if it her choice to accept this role, with the bond of love beginning from the moment she knows her child is within her. A mother does not need to see her child before becoming its mother. Some of my own decisions would have been much more difficult if there was not a baby's wellbeing to consider. But that alone gave me the strength to make necessary changes.
6. Beanbags look very comfortable at ante-natal classes, but don't be fooled. (True)
Lounging around in beanbags at baby classes is indeed enticing and much more gentle on the tailbone and other areas that are feeling the pressure of a growing child within. But have you ever tried to get out of them with a baby the size of a fully-inflated basketball inside you? There is nothing glamorous about such maneuvers, believe me. Arms and legs flailing all over the place leaves even the most graceful women looking like a rubber toy lost in a crevice. I cannot deny though that I did experience some entertainment in this, at my own expense.
Thank goodness for yoga though. And as much as strong legs may not the aspired image for most women influenced by modern media, I have learned to appreciate the blessings of my own. They have carried me through so many journeys in life and now provided me with the ability to to get myself out of beanbags at baby classes.
7. Belly Buttons are Ugly. (False)
Over the years, for one reason or another in various conversations, belly buttons have become the subject of great laughter. But I didn't realise just how much I loved my own until I lost sight of it for months on end. Mine didn't pop out like many women's do. It just disappeared into the roundness of my basketball belly. (To give you an idea of size towards the end, the photo on this article was taken with three months still to go).
The other thing that I realised I loved were my toes and feet, all of which I also lost sight of for months on end. The only times I did see them towards the end, when I was lying down and they were elevated high above the mound of my belly, I was shocked to find that my ankles had disappeared completely and looked like they belonged to an elephant - no exaggeration there either. Fluid retention had arrived.
A friend of mine has tiny ankles and is very self-conscious about it. She goes to so much trouble to hide them that it is a fun joke when we actually catch a glimpse of them. (Personally, I think she has lovely ankles and have no idea what she is really on about). She often compliments me, in her strange, round-about way, by saying how lucky I am to have chubby ankles. (She is the only person in the world who could get away with this, partly because of her cheek and partly because her sensitivity to her own ankles turns this strange sentence into a compliment!) My normal ankles are fine though. But I was certainly not blessed with great ankles or feet during the last few months of pregnancy. It was the only true ailment I had to watch while pregnant, and was eased by some good Bowen therapy, rest, and regular foot massages.
8. Other pregnant women will smile at you. (False)
I was disappointed to find that many pregnant women did not feel a bond with others who were also pregnant. Perhaps some of them were already mothers of other young children and too tired to find any excitement in it. I had naively thought, in my happiness and excitement, that other pregnant woman would smile in passing - a bit like passing other Kombi drivers on the open road, when they all wave to each other. But alas, it was not to be. I wanted to join the club of excitement with other pregnant women, smile with the knowingness of how exciting it was to have a baby growing within.
I found out through going to ante-natal classes though, that at least half of the women in the group (and these were all first time mums too), actually hated being pregnant and could not wait until it was over. I was swimming in too much gratitude and joy to see anything bad about pregnancy. Even when I was so large that sleep became almost impossible, walking had become a slow waddle, and I would have happily employed a crane driver to roll me over in my sleep - rather than have to heave the weight over myself, I still felt incredibly blessed. I don't think I had ever felt as beautiful as I did when I was pregnant either, despite the waddle, elephant ankles, flat belly button, exhaustion, and the inability to function regularly towards the end.
During the last week or two though, I did enjoy a brief but wonderful exchange of smiles with another pregnant woman. It is summer here and was a very hot day in town. As I waddled slowly down the street, another woman, about the same size as me, spotted me through the crowd in passing. She looked at my belly and I at hers, and despite other pedestrians walking between us, we both burst out laughing and gave each other a smile of love and empathy. We each carried on our way, but I couldn't wipe the smile off my face for ages afterwards. I am sure she was the same, heading off in the opposite direction.
In general, the women who smiled the most at me when I was pregnant were older women, those possibly sixty years or older. And they smiled at me with no inhibition whatsoever, with great joy and happiness. I loved every such interaction.
9. Pregnancy is an individual thing. (True)
Every woman's experience of pregnancy is different. Out of about a dozen pregnant women I came to know over the past nine months, four had previously experienced miscarriages, some more than one. Others had tried for years to fall pregnant. Our attitudes, hopes, and experiences varied enormously. It is a bond between mother and baby and like all relationships between mother and child once born, the relationship within the womb is also an individual experience.
My baby told me her own name at only eight weeks into the pregnancy. It was not a name I had considered (although I thought it a very pretty sounding name). If I ever questioned it though, and tried to consider other names, the name she gave (Elena - pronounced Ellen with an a on the end) always came back so strongly that there was no choice but to honour what she was guiding to be called. As it is, her name means 'Light', 'The Bright One', or 'Bringer of Light'. And indeed, she is already that. I could not imagine her being named anything else now.
10. Giving Birth is Surrender. (True)
I once read a sign in a shop window that said 'Plans make God laugh'. I thought it was great and was reminded of this again during labour and birth. We can have so many ideals of how we want things to go (in life, not just in giving birth). But then things change and it becomes a matter of surrendering and going with whatever is best for that moment. Giving birth was certainly that. There are no prizes for doing it the toughest or the best. At the end of the day, it is a matter of doing whatever is best for the baby's health and life, not about the ideals we set for the perfect dream labour. I am grateful for realising the importance of surrender in other parts of my life well before this. It enabled me to go with the flow of how Elena wanted to come into the world. And she arrived safe and well, which is all that truly matters in the end.
Birth represents so much more than actual giving birth to a baby though. Whether pregnant or not, birth is happening in all of our lives every day, in one way or another.
After so many years of being around dying people (during my years of caring for terminally ill patients), it is beautiful to now be around birth so much.
Even without a newborn babe, just remembering that newness arrives in the world every day is helpful too.
Every day is the opportunity to begin again. Every day offers the chance to see life anew. It is a choice we are all given, regardless of age.
We are all blessed with the choice to leave the past behind and to begin anew.
Every single day offers a natural and beautiful reminder of our individual freedom to view life from a more joyous place, to appreciate every moment as best we are able.
It is a new beginning. For this and so very much more, I give immense thanks.
The most entertaining part of it all was hearing other people's opinions about pregnancy - their own experiences, or someone's they knew. As a result of hearing these, compared to my own now first-hand experiences, I've come to some opinions myself.
1. Everyone will rub your belly. Strangers will rub it so much that you will get tired of it. (False)
I had been told this and actually looked forward to it. But alas, not enough people rubbed my belly and when they did, I loved it. It was not about me, but about people wanting to connect with my baby. There were plenty of belly rubs from those in my inner circle. But when a complete stranger rubbed my belly, on the rare occasions it happened, I loved it. One gorgeous woman just walked up to me in the street and rubbed it, before she had even said hello. It turned out she had seven children of her own. Bless her.
There was a guy in Sydney who gave Free Hugs. (Check out freehugscampaign.org - and yes, he gave great hugs). At one point recently, I wanted to stand by a sign saying 'Free Belly Rubs'. I was in love with my growing belly and loved it when people shared that joy.
2. The Body is Amazing. (True)
Prior to this time, I had already held my body in awe and reverence. But now, those words do not even do it justice. The capabilities and intelligence of the human body is one of the greatest miracles possible. How can I ever explain the wonder of what the body has achieved? I have been in complete reverence of what was happening within, including both the things I could feel and the things I couldn't. Even without pregnancy, the human body is one of the most incredible creations, one that deserves so much more respect than most give.
3. Vegan Pregnancy is Dangerous. (False)
Having been a vegan for over twelve years, and a vegetarian for the ten years prior to that, I am educated on the body's needs and how well the vegan diet suits my own body. Every test done throughout my pregnancy for the nutrition and wellbeing of the baby indicated a very well nourished, healthy babe. In fact, she grew so well that by the time I had six weeks to go, people were constantly asking me if I was due that week or if I was having twins. She was born at a very healthy weight, and continues to thrive.
There are risks to any pregnancy if the mother is unaware of her full nutritional needs or for other reasons out of the mother's control. I came across meat-eating mothers who were anemic, young mothers who had morning sickness for six months, and others who suffered swine flu, poor things. As always in my diet, I soaked nuts and seeds overnight, which I blended with fruit in the mornings, covering many of my daily needs in that meal alone. I am also a great lover of ginger and continued having fresh vegetable juices throughout the pregnancy, missing morning sickness altogether. (I realise what a blessing this was). All other nutritional needs were monitored and honoured constantly.
4. Natural conception is possible in your forties. (True)
I am not saying that every woman will be blessed to conceive naturally in her forties, but it is still possible. Many women cannot conceive in their twenties or thirties either, and my heart goes out to them if it is their desire to conceive. The amount of scare tactics that are used in media though, regarding the total inability for women to conceive a healthy baby after forty, I am sure, stop many couples from even trying. It is important to know your body well and to monitor changes in your cycle, paying attention to the messages it is sending. There are risks to be sure. But it is not all bad. It is still possible to conceive your first child and have an enjoyable, beautiful pregnancy in your forties. I've been blessed with conceiving naturally in my mid-forties and giving birth to a healthy, precious daughter.
There is much speculation against older mothers in the media. But on a soul level, if you are meant to play the role of mother to another soul, it will come into your life when the time is right, whether that is through natural conception, IVF, foster parenting, step-parenting, or numerous other ways. Older mothers have life experience and patience that younger mothers can never have. When I think back to a time in my twenties when I thought I wanted a child, I count my blessings that it was not meant to be back then. The kind of mother I would have been, compared to the mother I am now, is completely different. The media can say what they like against late motherhood, but in doing so, they are missing the advantages that do come with this. Many children, the world over, benefit from wiser parents as a result. Sometimes too, it just isn't possible to have children until later in life, until you meet the right person to conceive with.
5. A Mother Becomes a Mother at Conception. (True)
A mother does not need to see her baby to begin her role as a mother. From the moment a woman knows she has a child within her, and accepts her role as such, she has already become a mother. I was incredibly blessed to know the actual moment of conception, so I didn't even have to wait until tests confirmed it a few weeks later. My partner and I had made love in the afternoon. Some hours later I was sitting around a campfire. Then out of the blue, a small burst of light, like a star, flashed quickly into my mind at the very same time as a flood of love filled every cell of my body. I felt faint for a second or two, but also euphoric, from the torrent of love that had flooded through me unexpectedly. When I came through it a couple of seconds later, I knew I had just conceived (and couldn't stop grinning). The knowing and the bliss that followed this was the most exciting, beautiful feeling I have ever known. When the test proved positive a few weeks later, I cried tears of gratitude, for the honour of bringing another soul into this world.
From the moment of conception, I knew I was a mother and every decision I made after that was based around the wellbeing of the child growing inside of me. Motherhood, for most, is instinctive, and it was for me. I had never been a mother but I defended the child's wellbeing with even more protection than I knew possible. There were decisions to make along the way that may have been delayed had it not been for the baby - compensations I may have continued to make and other things I may have endured. But I was a mother from conception and everything changed from that moment. A mother is definitely a mother straight away, if it her choice to accept this role, with the bond of love beginning from the moment she knows her child is within her. A mother does not need to see her child before becoming its mother. Some of my own decisions would have been much more difficult if there was not a baby's wellbeing to consider. But that alone gave me the strength to make necessary changes.
6. Beanbags look very comfortable at ante-natal classes, but don't be fooled. (True)
Lounging around in beanbags at baby classes is indeed enticing and much more gentle on the tailbone and other areas that are feeling the pressure of a growing child within. But have you ever tried to get out of them with a baby the size of a fully-inflated basketball inside you? There is nothing glamorous about such maneuvers, believe me. Arms and legs flailing all over the place leaves even the most graceful women looking like a rubber toy lost in a crevice. I cannot deny though that I did experience some entertainment in this, at my own expense.
Thank goodness for yoga though. And as much as strong legs may not the aspired image for most women influenced by modern media, I have learned to appreciate the blessings of my own. They have carried me through so many journeys in life and now provided me with the ability to to get myself out of beanbags at baby classes.
7. Belly Buttons are Ugly. (False)
Over the years, for one reason or another in various conversations, belly buttons have become the subject of great laughter. But I didn't realise just how much I loved my own until I lost sight of it for months on end. Mine didn't pop out like many women's do. It just disappeared into the roundness of my basketball belly. (To give you an idea of size towards the end, the photo on this article was taken with three months still to go).
The other thing that I realised I loved were my toes and feet, all of which I also lost sight of for months on end. The only times I did see them towards the end, when I was lying down and they were elevated high above the mound of my belly, I was shocked to find that my ankles had disappeared completely and looked like they belonged to an elephant - no exaggeration there either. Fluid retention had arrived.
A friend of mine has tiny ankles and is very self-conscious about it. She goes to so much trouble to hide them that it is a fun joke when we actually catch a glimpse of them. (Personally, I think she has lovely ankles and have no idea what she is really on about). She often compliments me, in her strange, round-about way, by saying how lucky I am to have chubby ankles. (She is the only person in the world who could get away with this, partly because of her cheek and partly because her sensitivity to her own ankles turns this strange sentence into a compliment!) My normal ankles are fine though. But I was certainly not blessed with great ankles or feet during the last few months of pregnancy. It was the only true ailment I had to watch while pregnant, and was eased by some good Bowen therapy, rest, and regular foot massages.
8. Other pregnant women will smile at you. (False)
I was disappointed to find that many pregnant women did not feel a bond with others who were also pregnant. Perhaps some of them were already mothers of other young children and too tired to find any excitement in it. I had naively thought, in my happiness and excitement, that other pregnant woman would smile in passing - a bit like passing other Kombi drivers on the open road, when they all wave to each other. But alas, it was not to be. I wanted to join the club of excitement with other pregnant women, smile with the knowingness of how exciting it was to have a baby growing within.
I found out through going to ante-natal classes though, that at least half of the women in the group (and these were all first time mums too), actually hated being pregnant and could not wait until it was over. I was swimming in too much gratitude and joy to see anything bad about pregnancy. Even when I was so large that sleep became almost impossible, walking had become a slow waddle, and I would have happily employed a crane driver to roll me over in my sleep - rather than have to heave the weight over myself, I still felt incredibly blessed. I don't think I had ever felt as beautiful as I did when I was pregnant either, despite the waddle, elephant ankles, flat belly button, exhaustion, and the inability to function regularly towards the end.
During the last week or two though, I did enjoy a brief but wonderful exchange of smiles with another pregnant woman. It is summer here and was a very hot day in town. As I waddled slowly down the street, another woman, about the same size as me, spotted me through the crowd in passing. She looked at my belly and I at hers, and despite other pedestrians walking between us, we both burst out laughing and gave each other a smile of love and empathy. We each carried on our way, but I couldn't wipe the smile off my face for ages afterwards. I am sure she was the same, heading off in the opposite direction.
In general, the women who smiled the most at me when I was pregnant were older women, those possibly sixty years or older. And they smiled at me with no inhibition whatsoever, with great joy and happiness. I loved every such interaction.
9. Pregnancy is an individual thing. (True)
Every woman's experience of pregnancy is different. Out of about a dozen pregnant women I came to know over the past nine months, four had previously experienced miscarriages, some more than one. Others had tried for years to fall pregnant. Our attitudes, hopes, and experiences varied enormously. It is a bond between mother and baby and like all relationships between mother and child once born, the relationship within the womb is also an individual experience.
My baby told me her own name at only eight weeks into the pregnancy. It was not a name I had considered (although I thought it a very pretty sounding name). If I ever questioned it though, and tried to consider other names, the name she gave (Elena - pronounced Ellen with an a on the end) always came back so strongly that there was no choice but to honour what she was guiding to be called. As it is, her name means 'Light', 'The Bright One', or 'Bringer of Light'. And indeed, she is already that. I could not imagine her being named anything else now.
10. Giving Birth is Surrender. (True)
I once read a sign in a shop window that said 'Plans make God laugh'. I thought it was great and was reminded of this again during labour and birth. We can have so many ideals of how we want things to go (in life, not just in giving birth). But then things change and it becomes a matter of surrendering and going with whatever is best for that moment. Giving birth was certainly that. There are no prizes for doing it the toughest or the best. At the end of the day, it is a matter of doing whatever is best for the baby's health and life, not about the ideals we set for the perfect dream labour. I am grateful for realising the importance of surrender in other parts of my life well before this. It enabled me to go with the flow of how Elena wanted to come into the world. And she arrived safe and well, which is all that truly matters in the end.
Birth represents so much more than actual giving birth to a baby though. Whether pregnant or not, birth is happening in all of our lives every day, in one way or another.
After so many years of being around dying people (during my years of caring for terminally ill patients), it is beautiful to now be around birth so much.
Even without a newborn babe, just remembering that newness arrives in the world every day is helpful too.
Every day is the opportunity to begin again. Every day offers the chance to see life anew. It is a choice we are all given, regardless of age.
We are all blessed with the choice to leave the past behind and to begin anew.
Every single day offers a natural and beautiful reminder of our individual freedom to view life from a more joyous place, to appreciate every moment as best we are able.
It is a new beginning. For this and so very much more, I give immense thanks.
